Monday, 18 August 2008
Day 139
What [static] what's happening?
I... I recognise this wh[crackle]t it's not go[static]
=transmission offline=
I... I recognise this wh[crackle]t it's not go[static]
=transmission offline=
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Day 133
I think I know what the letter says.
It wasn't "fry nud" at all, it was "friend". The last line reads "A friend".
I'm scared of the rest of the letter, though. If I'm reading it right, of course. I hope I'm making a terrible mistake somewhere in the pronunciation but, I daren't assume that. And it's pretty simple, and hard to misread, I think.
The letter starts a little strange, and I assume the person is talking about me. It reads, "To the one who knows not who she is."
Every time I read the next part, my stomach fills with dread and, and... I don't understand it. "They know where you are. They are watching you. They know what you have done."
Then, "Stay where you are. You are safe for now." - which seems contradictory to me. How can I be safe when they know I'm here? I don't even know who they are!
It then ends simply with "A friend."
What do I do? If they're watching me, surely I should get out now? But where would I go? I don't have a car. Not anymore. I have nowhere to run.
I wrote a note back.
I found a card, with pictures of some kind of food, and the back was blank. So I used a pen from behind the counter at the front of the station.
I didn't know what else to write, so I just wrote "Help."
I put it back where I found the other note, just inside the door, on the patch of dirty floor.
I am so scared.
Help me. Please.
It wasn't "fry nud" at all, it was "friend". The last line reads "A friend".
I'm scared of the rest of the letter, though. If I'm reading it right, of course. I hope I'm making a terrible mistake somewhere in the pronunciation but, I daren't assume that. And it's pretty simple, and hard to misread, I think.
The letter starts a little strange, and I assume the person is talking about me. It reads, "To the one who knows not who she is."
Every time I read the next part, my stomach fills with dread and, and... I don't understand it. "They know where you are. They are watching you. They know what you have done."
Then, "Stay where you are. You are safe for now." - which seems contradictory to me. How can I be safe when they know I'm here? I don't even know who they are!
It then ends simply with "A friend."
What do I do? If they're watching me, surely I should get out now? But where would I go? I don't have a car. Not anymore. I have nowhere to run.
I wrote a note back.
I found a card, with pictures of some kind of food, and the back was blank. So I used a pen from behind the counter at the front of the station.
I didn't know what else to write, so I just wrote "Help."
I put it back where I found the other note, just inside the door, on the patch of dirty floor.
I am so scared.
Help me. Please.
Monday, 11 August 2008
Day 132, later
I think they've gone... I can't hear any noises from outside, other than the occasional car going past. I can't see anyone through the stained windows either.
There was something on the floor, just inside the front door, a note. I think they put it there. I don't think it was there before. A small sheet of paper folded in half, then half again.
It has something written on it, but here is where I encounter yet another problem. I can't read it.
I know what the letters are, I know they represent sounds, and I can understand some of them, but not enough to make sense of what it says in it's entirety.
There's this part at the bottom though, I think it's... I'm not sure. Fry? Fray. Mud, no, nud. What on earth is 'nud'? Fray nud.
It doesn't make any sense at all.
There was something on the floor, just inside the front door, a note. I think they put it there. I don't think it was there before. A small sheet of paper folded in half, then half again.
It has something written on it, but here is where I encounter yet another problem. I can't read it.
I know what the letters are, I know they represent sounds, and I can understand some of them, but not enough to make sense of what it says in it's entirety.
There's this part at the bottom though, I think it's... I'm not sure. Fry? Fray. Mud, no, nud. What on earth is 'nud'? Fray nud.
It doesn't make any sense at all.
Day 132
Okay... battery charged again.
There's someone outside. I just heard them rattling the front door, and now I can hear the crunchcrunch as they walk around outside.
I buried him. I couldn't leave him in the car, and I couldn't bring him in here.
The gas station stands to one side of a long, straight, dusty road, and behind the station the ground falls off into what looks like a huge green bowl, with dense trees at the bottom. You can't really see the other side of the bowl when you're outside. When it was dark, a few nights ago, I went and had a look down there. I became scared after a while that I wouldn't be able to find my way back to the station, so I came back, and waited until the sky started to lighten a little.
They're banging on one of the side windows now.
There was no way I could carry him, and it turned out that the car was already facing the right direction, and once I remembered about the brake lever it was fairly easy to push the car.
I followed it down. It seemed to take forever, but I didn't need to push it again, and it went a fair way into the forest before it finally stopped up against a fallen and mostly rotted tree.
I pulled him out of the car. That wasn't very nice at all, but... well, I don't know what else to do. I thought he'd left his shadow in the car but the seat was just all dark brown where he'd been sitting. Maybe that's what happens to your shadow when you die, it just gets stuck there.
Shh.
It's gone quiet outside now.
The ground was soft by the rotten tree, and it didn't take long to make a hole with my hands, just enough to put him in. Then I kicked all the loose ground over him, pulled some thin branches and leaves over as well.
The telephone doesn't work. I don't know who I'd call even if it did. When I listen to it, all I hear is this long beeeeeeee noise.
The last thing... shh! Noise outside.
The handle on the front door is rattling again.
Now it's stopped.
I'm going to go and look.
There's someone outside. I just heard them rattling the front door, and now I can hear the crunchcrunch as they walk around outside.
I buried him. I couldn't leave him in the car, and I couldn't bring him in here.
The gas station stands to one side of a long, straight, dusty road, and behind the station the ground falls off into what looks like a huge green bowl, with dense trees at the bottom. You can't really see the other side of the bowl when you're outside. When it was dark, a few nights ago, I went and had a look down there. I became scared after a while that I wouldn't be able to find my way back to the station, so I came back, and waited until the sky started to lighten a little.
They're banging on one of the side windows now.
There was no way I could carry him, and it turned out that the car was already facing the right direction, and once I remembered about the brake lever it was fairly easy to push the car.
I followed it down. It seemed to take forever, but I didn't need to push it again, and it went a fair way into the forest before it finally stopped up against a fallen and mostly rotted tree.
I pulled him out of the car. That wasn't very nice at all, but... well, I don't know what else to do. I thought he'd left his shadow in the car but the seat was just all dark brown where he'd been sitting. Maybe that's what happens to your shadow when you die, it just gets stuck there.
Shh.
It's gone quiet outside now.
The ground was soft by the rotten tree, and it didn't take long to make a hole with my hands, just enough to put him in. Then I kicked all the loose ground over him, pulled some thin branches and leaves over as well.
The telephone doesn't work. I don't know who I'd call even if it did. When I listen to it, all I hear is this long beeeeeeee noise.
The last thing... shh! Noise outside.
The handle on the front door is rattling again.
Now it's stopped.
I'm going to go and look.
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
Day 126
I've slept, mostly. And eaten, but tried not to eat too much... I've no idea how long this food is going to last. The water does seem to be clean too... I don't feel ill or anything. Just tired.
I'm starting to think something truly awful might have happened. He wasn't asleep, at all, and I'm alone.
I don't know what this recorder actually does, but, it's here, and it focuses my mind on a task.
I'm starting to remember some things, too, from before... before whatever it was.
The world seemed dull and flat, before. It seemed empty, and unfulfilling.
But still... I'm starting to think I would have been better off there, but that was out of my control, and things have happened since then to make returning irreversible.
I don't know what to do, about him. He's still sitting there, not moving.
I think he might be dead.
What do I do?
I'm starting to think something truly awful might have happened. He wasn't asleep, at all, and I'm alone.
I don't know what this recorder actually does, but, it's here, and it focuses my mind on a task.
I'm starting to remember some things, too, from before... before whatever it was.
The world seemed dull and flat, before. It seemed empty, and unfulfilling.
But still... I'm starting to think I would have been better off there, but that was out of my control, and things have happened since then to make returning irreversible.
I don't know what to do, about him. He's still sitting there, not moving.
I think he might be dead.
What do I do?
Monday, 4 August 2008
Day 125
[click]-lo? Hello?
Hello?
OK, I guess this is working, then.
The one thing that's been consistant over the last few months is this recorder, so, I think I'll keep using it. I don't know what else to do.
At least this place still has electricity. Ah, yeah, I forget that there's things you don't know, things you haven't been told. I'm in an abandoned gas station. There's food here, stuff in tins, and occasionally another car will drive past. Sometimes, rarely, someone will come and rattle the main doors at the front, but they always go away, eventually, and it's not like this place doesn't look abandoned.
So, we managed to escape from them. He, he helped me drive, all this way, I don't know how long it took, but the sun set and rose again during the journey, and I was so, so tired. I'd never driven a car for that long before, never for more than about 10 minutes before, but it had to be done, otherwise... I don't know what, otherwise.
He kept falling asleep, and I dared not wake him, he seemed to be in a lot of pain. He wouldn't let me know why. So, I just kept driving. He woke up, and told me to pull over into this place, and here is where we, and the car, have stayed.
That was the last thing he said to me.
I don't know what else to do.
I need help. I need answers. I have no idea where to go, who to ask. I'm too scared to ask any of the people who keep coming here, who keep driving past, who are presumably going about their own business. I'm also utterly, terribly frightened, because I think the only people who can answer my questions are the people who are looking for me, and I can't risk them finding me.
He had the answers too, I think. Maybe he didn't know what they meant, though. I tried for a long, long time, to wake him up. I felt sure he was just asleep. Maybe he still is.
So, right now, all I have is to keep myself going, is this recorder. I will keep myself going.
I don't know how long the food in here will last. The water seems clean.
Maybe he's just asleep. I should check.
Hello?
OK, I guess this is working, then.
The one thing that's been consistant over the last few months is this recorder, so, I think I'll keep using it. I don't know what else to do.
At least this place still has electricity. Ah, yeah, I forget that there's things you don't know, things you haven't been told. I'm in an abandoned gas station. There's food here, stuff in tins, and occasionally another car will drive past. Sometimes, rarely, someone will come and rattle the main doors at the front, but they always go away, eventually, and it's not like this place doesn't look abandoned.
So, we managed to escape from them. He, he helped me drive, all this way, I don't know how long it took, but the sun set and rose again during the journey, and I was so, so tired. I'd never driven a car for that long before, never for more than about 10 minutes before, but it had to be done, otherwise... I don't know what, otherwise.
He kept falling asleep, and I dared not wake him, he seemed to be in a lot of pain. He wouldn't let me know why. So, I just kept driving. He woke up, and told me to pull over into this place, and here is where we, and the car, have stayed.
That was the last thing he said to me.
I don't know what else to do.
I need help. I need answers. I have no idea where to go, who to ask. I'm too scared to ask any of the people who keep coming here, who keep driving past, who are presumably going about their own business. I'm also utterly, terribly frightened, because I think the only people who can answer my questions are the people who are looking for me, and I can't risk them finding me.
He had the answers too, I think. Maybe he didn't know what they meant, though. I tried for a long, long time, to wake him up. I felt sure he was just asleep. Maybe he still is.
So, right now, all I have is to keep myself going, is this recorder. I will keep myself going.
I don't know how long the food in here will last. The water seems clean.
Maybe he's just asleep. I should check.
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
Day 120, later
[untranslatable]... Are you ok? [static]
Battery low, I think, the light is flashing red. I don't know.
I'm getting tired... I can't drive like this for much longer... I've... are you ok?
We just have to get there... then... But we have to be more careful, they [static]
Battery low, I think, the light is flashing red. I don't know.
I'm getting tired... I can't drive like this for much longer... I've... are you ok?
We just have to get there... then... But we have to be more careful, they [static]
Day 120
[static]
[sound of banging on glass]
... WHAT? I can't hear you! The rain, it's drowning out your voice! Get into the car!
What's wrong? What's wrong? Why are you... we have to go? Right now?
Why can't you drive? Yes, I know enough, I think... I... I just... like that?
I'm sorry! OH MY... WHAT?! I'm scared... I'm trying, I'm trying!
The recorder's on! Turn it off, turn it... I'm sorry! Put your seatbelt on! I can't see!
We only ever drove during the day! I don't know what to do!
How did they find us again? We
[rushing, whacking leaves, screech of metal]
were safe, weren't we? They tracked us how? Through the what?
What? We're getting away, aren't we? Getting away from them, again. Aren't we?
You... you look pale... I... Turn it off now. Turn it off.
[sound of banging on glass]
... WHAT? I can't hear you! The rain, it's drowning out your voice! Get into the car!
What's wrong? What's wrong? Why are you... we have to go? Right now?
Why can't you drive? Yes, I know enough, I think... I... I just... like that?
I'm sorry! OH MY... WHAT?! I'm scared... I'm trying, I'm trying!
The recorder's on! Turn it off, turn it... I'm sorry! Put your seatbelt on! I can't see!
We only ever drove during the day! I don't know what to do!
How did they find us again? We
[rushing, whacking leaves, screech of metal]
were safe, weren't we? They tracked us how? Through the what?
What? We're getting away, aren't we? Getting away from them, again. Aren't we?
You... you look pale... I... Turn it off now. Turn it off.
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Day 113
I'm... I'm what? No, I don't understand. Sure, you've done a pretty good job of explaining things to me but, no... that just doesn't make any sense.
I don't understand how that makes me so... what? Never? Well, what about me then? Is that why I feel so out-of-place? Is that why everything is so familiar, yet so new? Is that why this whole world feels like, I don't know, feels like... damn I just don't have the words.
It's like the difference between someone who has ridden a bike all his life, compared to someone who's just been told what a bike is, and read about one, and seen pictures of one, throughout their life, so much so that they feel that if they were given a bike for the first time, they'd know exactly how to use it. I feel like I KNOW what everything is, how everything works, but I realise that it's not through my own actions and learning, but through explanation and word-of-mouth and second-hand knowledge.
And now, these things you're telling me. These explanations for why I feel like this, why I'm different, why I can't remember things before that time...
Why now? Why wasn't I ready to be told this last week? Or next week? Why now?
I don't understand how that makes me so... what? Never? Well, what about me then? Is that why I feel so out-of-place? Is that why everything is so familiar, yet so new? Is that why this whole world feels like, I don't know, feels like... damn I just don't have the words.
It's like the difference between someone who has ridden a bike all his life, compared to someone who's just been told what a bike is, and read about one, and seen pictures of one, throughout their life, so much so that they feel that if they were given a bike for the first time, they'd know exactly how to use it. I feel like I KNOW what everything is, how everything works, but I realise that it's not through my own actions and learning, but through explanation and word-of-mouth and second-hand knowledge.
And now, these things you're telling me. These explanations for why I feel like this, why I'm different, why I can't remember things before that time...
Why now? Why wasn't I ready to be told this last week? Or next week? Why now?
Monday, 21 July 2008
Day 111
Well, good morning to you, too.
Sorry? Oh... pretty badly actually. I kept having the same nightmare whenever I drifted off to sleep.
Yeah, I can remember it pretty vividly. I think it's part of the memories I'm repressing, but earlier in time to the part with the white walls.
Just like the other part, with the walls, I'm kinda watching myself from outside. I see myself walking up a stoney pathway towards a large house, and the sky is dark and cloudy. The house is set on a cliff top and beyond it I can see the sea. As I get closer to the house the viewpoint moves past me, and into the house, and I get a feeling of dread, as though there's something waiting inside for me. The point of view in my dream focuses on something in the house, and I know I should remember what it is, but in the dream it's just an empty space for me. It has that feeling, you know, like a blind spot, knowing there's something there but just being unable to see it. At that point I wake up.
I'm sorry too, it doesn't really shed any more light on what happened.
Of course I'll let you know. I need to know what happened more than you do, believe me.
Sorry? Oh... pretty badly actually. I kept having the same nightmare whenever I drifted off to sleep.
Yeah, I can remember it pretty vividly. I think it's part of the memories I'm repressing, but earlier in time to the part with the white walls.
Just like the other part, with the walls, I'm kinda watching myself from outside. I see myself walking up a stoney pathway towards a large house, and the sky is dark and cloudy. The house is set on a cliff top and beyond it I can see the sea. As I get closer to the house the viewpoint moves past me, and into the house, and I get a feeling of dread, as though there's something waiting inside for me. The point of view in my dream focuses on something in the house, and I know I should remember what it is, but in the dream it's just an empty space for me. It has that feeling, you know, like a blind spot, knowing there's something there but just being unable to see it. At that point I wake up.
I'm sorry too, it doesn't really shed any more light on what happened.
Of course I'll let you know. I need to know what happened more than you do, believe me.
Monday, 7 July 2008
Day 97
Yeah... I know. I've been awake for a while actually, listening to the sea. I'm still on edge... can't quite settle down. They could be here any moment... yes, yes, even though you tell me we're safe. I just have this feeling.
But... I don't want to be a burden on you. But I'm too scared to face the world by myself, that's for sure. I don't have anything to give you, all I can do is do whatever you ask me to do, to help.
No, not yet. Not unless we have to. I'm just taking this time to try and remember.
My dream? No, not much more. I keep waking up at the same point, with my eyes failing to adjust to the darkness revealed by the white walls falling away.
I know. Me too.
But... I don't want to be a burden on you. But I'm too scared to face the world by myself, that's for sure. I don't have anything to give you, all I can do is do whatever you ask me to do, to help.
No, not yet. Not unless we have to. I'm just taking this time to try and remember.
My dream? No, not much more. I keep waking up at the same point, with my eyes failing to adjust to the darkness revealed by the white walls falling away.
I know. Me too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
